God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
