And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
