She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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