she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well you can't waste a boner
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm like, not good at living.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
