One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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