Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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