Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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