Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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