one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
