i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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