I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Someone signed my nipple.
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