We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
