You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
