Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
