I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
