So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
