Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
