Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
