I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
