This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize