can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
