she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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