I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize