Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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