I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need a beard to bite.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize