I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
