What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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