she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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