you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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