Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
