capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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