Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
