its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
