I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
