My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
