we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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