In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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