Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
