Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
