dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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