We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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