I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
