I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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