hell yes lets make some ravioli
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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