We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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