"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
