i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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