I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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