he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my being single is dangerous.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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