He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
