I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
one might say we're banned from that church
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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