so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
