she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
