remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
