I'm jealous of your bromance
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
