She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
