Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
