chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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