I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
