Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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