I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
