Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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