take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
