i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
