I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
