just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
