You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
