the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
