she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
