Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
