I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
