Im at strip club and am horny
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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