I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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