i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
