Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
