he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize