I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize