We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
