I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
