He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
