I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
