Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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