So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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