I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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