I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
