I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
