I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
