I'm passing your future prison.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
