the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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