just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
