omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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