Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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