Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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