Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
