Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize