You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
