I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you had me at cake vodka
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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